Saturday, June 23, 2007

15 Things No Man Wants To Hear From A Woman... And My Thoughts On It

I came across this article today and I was really laughing hard.
Don't worry boys, I'm not sexist.
I could laugh at these anti-female jokes any day, after all they are just jokes and we all need a good laugh. Being too stuck up and proper and oh-so-politically-correct is not my cup of tea because its too boring. I am never politically correct anyway.

So, back to the topic. Somebody from The Guardian by the name of Mick Hunter came up with this very 'interesting' compilation of things MEN *Notice I said the word MEN* do not wish to hear from their women. Though the article is a bit old, released last April 09, 2006 still what is stated here is timeless and the laugh you get, priceless!
Hmmm... The only thing that was surprising about this so called list is that there were ONLY 15!?!? FIFTEEN!?!?! 15?!?!!? things they don't want to hear. Can you imagine that ladies!?!
I know its a shocker.
I was thinking, since men were given their space to let all the things out that's been bothering them about their women partners I thought there would be more.
I surely was thinking of adding more to it... I know I could be evil too.

Anyway, here's the list!

15 Things No Man Wants To Hear... From A Woman!

1.) Any stories about ex-boyfriends, even ones told against the poor blokes. If your ex was a violent, brainless, tattooed ex-con, this will only make us feel boring and unmanly. And scared.

Okay, okay, okay... I am guilty of this! It's hard to find a woman these days of not being guilty of this number one NO-NO.
Just a note to all you men out there. If you do not wish to hear about our pasts bruhahaha's then DON'T FUCKING ASK! Because once you raise that question up we would surely tell.
You see, us women have this thing about oh I don't know... HONESTY!
Like we were conditioned to believe in always being honest in the relationship. Damn!
So again I say, Don't ask! What you do not know wouldn't hurt you and your little ego.

2.) The phrase 'I'd say it's bang-on average, if not slightly bigger'. Best to steer clear of the size issue. Like us talking about your weight, it can only lead to misunderstanding and hurt.

And they say us women have issues! pft!
Bottom line is, we all have insecurities be it with our weight and you guys with the size of your shrong. All of us are somehow affected by numbers. No wonder many people hate Math!

3.) Obsessive accounts of your diet and exercise regime. Men like skinny women, true. But they dislike being exposed to the borderline eating disorders and pathological obsessiveness that produce them. And curvy and sane always beats mad and thin. Eventually.

Ahhh the weight issue!!! *runs around the room pulling hair off!*
Fellas, fellas, fellas! Be damn grateful that your ladylove is looking after herself, its all for your own benefit anyway. I'm sure you would want to be that bloke with the gf with the hot bod.
I know we could be paranoid at times but we only have you in mind.
Just reassure her that she's fine, she is sexy in your eyes and that no matter what happens you will still love and treasure her.

4.) The accusing phrase, 'What's wrong with the blue dress, then?' after we have said we like the red one.

Honestly, I don't get how some women's minds work either. You already answered the question. That should have been enough. But noooooo!
I am even baffled and to think I AM A WOMAN!
Maybe they just like to know exactly why you didn't choose the blue.
Questions like these would be left alone when you just answer "Because red is my favorite color." If somehow that would lead to an argument. I say you are stuck with a semi-psycho.

5.) Any details of your day at work. Although men can find the most basic things endlessly fascinating - the number of buttons on their shirts, farting - they will suddenly develop ADD when it comes to your professional life. Unless you are a porn actress. No, actually, even then...

Women are communicators. In a relationship we expect our guys to listen to what we have to say to get a little comfort out of a very stressful day at work.
When you have something to say, we'd give you our undivided attention.
Its called respect.
Those of you who won't even listen to your woman do not deserve to have one.
Don't be surprised and whine that your woman's affection somehow changed and dumped you because she's now hooked up with her officemate then.
The officemate that was geeky but was always there to listen to her.
We just want you to listen and be there for us. Is that so hard to do?
Simple things like these help the relationship and hell listening doesn't cost you a dime too!

6.) Any information about things you thought about buying. We are perfectly happy to admire actual purchases, but yearning for those phantom shoes/dress/bag exasperates us.

Errr another thing I don't get about the females' attitude in general.
Note: Not all women are like that.
I only see two possibilities of why this is so...
One is pretty obvious, she's making sure you hear about these things and secretly praying that you suddenly pop up one day with a paper bag in hand that contains said articles to surprise her or she'll directly ask you for it.
Either way I do not know...

7.) Stories about other men patronizing you. This will give us an irresistible urge to ruffle your hair and say in a kids-TV voice, 'Awww, did dey? Did dey do dat to oo?' I know, sometimes we're asking for trouble.

Its a bad day, give us some slack!
I've seen men whine about mundane things too!
And yes goddamnit! IT IS ANNOYING!
But, we are in a relationship! It's our obligation to listen and give some comfort in at least some little way possible.
So eh! The genders are even in this area.

8.) The word 'Fine' as a stand-alone sentence. The scariest syllable in the female vocabulary.

This is usually the response given to the question "How are you feeling?".
This is given when one feels that you are not interested really in listening and you don't really give a damn!
Remember, you keep complaining of women being talkers not wanting to shut up.
Now that they have decided to shut up and give you the room to figure it out on your own, you nasty men complain again!
WTF!!! And they have the balls to complain us women are confusing! Sheeeeeesh!

9.) The sound of weeping. It destroys us.

Really now?!?! Hmmm... Then better make sure your woman won't have reason to cry then except tears of joy.

10.) Any details of strife you may be having with your female friends. The endless round of hurt and rapprochement that constitutes girls' friendships mystifies us. If she's that much trouble just delete her from your bloody mobile.

I disagree totally! Men are gossip mongers!
Please whether you men admit it or not, I know you are excited by the latest scoop of dirt about the former best friend now official worst enemy. You wish to listen and in this area boy! Do you biotches listen good!
Why do you think fantasies of watching cat fights fill your minds so much? Hmmm....

11.) The phrase, 'Hang on, I'll just reply to this text before we order'. We want first claim on your attention, woman.

Oh gee! So being ignored hurts then eh? Ooooh too bad! *tunes you out at this point.*
Well, I say you go back reading numbers 3, 5, 7 and 10 once again please.
Now shut up for a second because I need to send this text message!

12.) The phrase, 'Can you turn over, you're snoring'. Great, that's both of us awake.

Stop being such an insensitive clod! You know how essential beauty sleep is to us women.
Now if only you didn't sound like Puff the Magic Dragon with a toothache once you are asleep, we would not really complain much.
See a doctor!

13.) The words 'Am I special? Am I?' Especially if you are drawing a circle around our nipple with your finger at the time.

Part of foreplay and a little thirsty for praises from your end.
We know this is the best time which to ask such questions because you seriously would not fuck up the answer by saying something idiotic. Keep in mind our fingers are onto your nipples.

14.) Anyone else's name, in your sleep.

Same goes for us women! If by some unknown reason you started shouting Fifi, Brandi, Jenna or another bitch's name in your sleep or the time you orgasm that is not ours, we are very much licensed to chop you twangs off! Understood? Good! Got we got this clear.

15.) Your dreams. Unless we're in them. And in a good light, too. If not, save 'em for the shrink.

Go back to number 11.
Geesus! Another issue of you not listening. Whom do you wish us to confide in then?
Pedro from across the street or to Johnny in the office?
F*ck you! Again, if you are not willing to listen to your woman don't have one.


Ahhh the complexities of love!
It does take commitment, understanding and a lot of patience to be in one and keep it.
But the rewards are great once cherished.

If you still believe you are not fit to be in one, singledom is not so bad.


jack frost said...

omg... very informative. learned a lot abt womem frm dis.

Jeigaman said...

m'Leany! i've never seen you swear so much - woah!! your a lively ball of fire arent ya :)

I'll remember to say 'the red dress' when i see you, for sure!

Ankit said...

am not sure if i liked this post or not.. but definitely that was one of the longest i have survived through..