Tuesday, July 31, 2007


Sometimes life gets so tough and fucked up that the only option one sees is to end it all and be done with it.
Still, there are a thousand more reasons why a person decides to take this road.
I am no different from the thousands out there who have contemplated about it during the past years of my existence.

To judge them and call them names, thinking that they are weaklings and fools because they have even entertained such a thought while not knowing the situation that they are going through is not only unfair but unsympathetic.

We don't know what goes on in their lives, what rages in their heads and what is in their hearts so to pass such harsh judgments and criticisms would only make you a contributor to their inner pains and turmoils.

Suicide is considered murder and the religious ones would try to scare the potential doer that his soul would never enter heaven and experience eternal light.
What many fail to realize is they cannot convince these people on dropping the idea of suicide because they fear that an 'Almighty being' would not accept his 'soul' anymore.
The problem is deeper than that and truth be told they no longer give a shit of such things.

Having entertained the thought many times.
I understand why such things would fill one's mind.
They feel hopeless, they see no room for improvement.
Abandoned, alone, rejected and other negative emotions fills one's mind to the point that it becomes too unbearable that the thought of death would appear sweet and a liberation.
The thought of bearing it all, despite the harsh conditions hoping that it would improve is more appalling, for we never know if things would improve. And its the wait that is slowly killing.

I was even able to come up with many reasons how my death would benefit the greater majority.
I felt that if I did it, I would perform the ultimate act of heroism and my action would be justified.

I reasoned that I have no dependents. No one would really miss or need me.
One less person is consuming precious oxygen and other resources.
More elbow room for the living who need the much needed space in this overly populated world.
And I could go on and on...

But, to make this story short. I did not succeed in this endeavor.
Partly because all my three attempts were botched and it was not well executed. I was still very much a child then and the funny part is, when you are close to dying or harming yourself, your instincts would kick in. Somehow, your body fights it all and tries its best to keep you alive.

Reading the article on BBC and the report on Japan's rising suicide rate and 'suicide clubs' wasn't really surprising.
First off, suicide is part of Japanese culture. In the old days Harakiri was even seen as a honorable way out.
So to put the blame on the internet on the rise of suicide rates in a country that somehow holds it as part of their customs is crazy and an insult.

Insult in the sense, that you think these people are mindless twats that just decided to end it because they saw that it was the 'in' thing to do.
Many people who commit suicide are deeper than that.
The person has already thought hard about what he'd do with his life, he's just using the technology to find other people who have also thought about the same thing.

Instead of blaming the internet of the high suicide rate, like what the idiots would immediately do.
Why not ask the question why many young people are now entertaining the said thought to begin with.
In a country of opportunity and with a lot of things to keep you supposedly occupied and happy,
it baffles me why these people would choose to do such a thing.
Here in the Philippines, where most of the people are way below the standard of living,
a lot are unemployed and living in appalling conditions, still people keep going and going.
A news of someone killing himself still comes as a shock to many.

If they want to curb the problem they should address the core of the issue and not just present a lame excuse to try to explain something that is sweeping the youth of this time by storm.

Going to a psychiatrist is the best option one could take.
But, if you can't afford the services of one, just find someone to talk to.
You'll be surprised how relieved you feel, when you decide to just let it all out and be true.

Related: Kiddie Skanks or Idiotic Parents?

Sunday, July 29, 2007


One of my new online hobbies is to tinker with avatars.
I have never liked playing with dolls as a kid.
Having found no enjoyment in playing dress up. I preferred the boys games and toys.
So this is the closest I am getting to actually playing with dolls.

One of these online avatars I tinker with is Yahoo.
I noticed that Yahoo has uploaded a lot of new backgrounds and outfits to their custom options.
One that caught my eye was the Rice Terraces of the Philippine Cordilleras background and Ifugao costume.

I guess I was the only one feeling the irony of it when Yahoo did it. I asked if this was some sort of joke. Knowing very well when Yahoo uploaded these updates the local and even international news agencies were buzzing of the gruesome and untimely death of Julia Campbell.

My condolences goes out to the Campbell family. Julia has done so much for this country and she did not deserve any of it. Knowing well she loved the Filipino people with all her heart.

The news was all over the place. It got so bad that the tourism industry there plummeted to an all-time low.
I asked myself if they purposely timed the release of this new background as a way of helping the country or mocking it by riding the waves of popularity the bad news has generated.
Well, I could not find answers to those questions.
And in fairness to Yahoo they did make it look so scenic and nice.

I was inspecting it with a giant magnifying glass the other day when my brother came in and saw what I was doing, he was "curious" to put it mildly, asking me what on earth I was up to.
I told him to just shut up and help me spot a leg or arm sticking out in the background as a tell-tale sign of a bad portrayal of our country.
He shook his head wearily, as if of pity. An indication that I have finally lost my mind.

I stopped, told myself maybe he's right this time.
But one must always keep an eye out for these sort of things, you see.
And to conclude this little story, I didn't find any appendages or body parts in the picture.
But then again I have terrible eyesight. So if you spot anything, buzz me!

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Kiddie Skanks Or Idiotic Parents?

I was in the mall yesterday and it was one of those days when you just have a lot of time to kill.
I didn’t buy anything, I just sat in one of my favorite coffee shops and observed people passing by as I sip a nice cold mocha frappe.

It really warms my heart to see families going out and just have a good time. I sometimes say to myself, one day I’m going to get married and have a family of my own. Seeing the cute kids with their moms and dads running about after them is one of my favorite sights to see.
The mall is like their playground.
Yup! Kids look so innocent.

But, upon closer observation, you stop and shout, EGAD! What are those kids wearing?!?!
I am shocked at the sight of these kids *little girls* wearing clothes that are too raunchy to put it the least.
I don’t know what possessed their parents to buy such distasteful items for their darling little daughters, but it is somehow just not right.

I saw a kid wearing boots, a black mini skirt with sheer stockings, a white shirt that was tied at the front and then maybe to add a little innocence to the whole she-bang she had pigtails on.
At first I didn’t notice, not until one of my friends pointed it out.

She was with mommy!
And in the back of my mind, I just wanted to give mommy a good smack on the head for letting her probably five or six year old daughter get out of the house looking like a mini whore. How could she let her daughter walk around in such an outfit?
Maybe, she felt it as okay because she was with her. But, its just not right.

Another kid I saw was probably nine, she had a very tight top on and she wore red pants with the word “JUICY” imprinted at the bum in black and glitter accents.
Plus, a lot others too. Wearing tube tops, mini mini skirts, tops that are designed for more mature bodies.

If you go to the children’s wear section, the clothes available there looks like it was for a much older woman but in quarter sizes.
Whatever happened to the children’s outfits of frills, bows, cutey bears and other things?
Where did it all go?
It seems they are inviting unwanted paedophilic attention! *my term by the way, no use to look it*
I just hate it! But is it really the kids’ fault or their parents?

Can you blame these little girls, if they want to look like their favorite pop or tv skank icon/stars?
Or must you blame the parents for them looking like mini trailer trash copies?
Others think its its neither of the two's fault, instead pointing out a stubby finger at the media for portraying such things.
They have forever destroyed humanity’s perception of morality *if there was any to begin with* by broadcasting such things as booty shaking, tight outfits, sex, girls like Britney Spears or Paris Hilton, etcetera.

Most girls try to emulate Barbie, Bratz and those other dolls mass-produced and vastly marketed as child icons, toys and idols. Damn it! At such a young age they are already being brainwashed as to what beautiful ought to be. No wonder these kids grow up with such distorted views of their own selves, bodies and of the world.

I wish I could say that the situation is improving. But, who am I kidding here. It is only worsening every single day.

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Vote Straight?

During this past election's campaign a lot of things happened.
The usual violence and election-related crimes were present.
Pre-election campaigns were as always targeting the poor, huddled masses.
Political ads of different political hopefuls all portrayed them as approachable people who are not afraid to shake hands with the poorest and dirtiest of the population, even giving them hugs and pats on their backs for trying to earn a decent living. Bah humbug!

I was more interested in their speeches and platforms more than anything else.
I couldn't give a rat's ass who was the latest celebrity they coerced to appear in their campaigns are.
The call to vote according to their conscience and to scrutinize each and everyone running for office, made by the Church as well as by different concerned organizations, non-government units and by the politicians themselves was rampant too and it did not fall on deaf ears.
They say voters' education is the key in this year's elections.
I would have to say that the Filipino voters have smartened up a bit.
Now, popularity alone is not the only key to win a victory in the polls.
As exhibited by the poor number of people voting for celebrity candidates, like Cesar Montano, Tito Sotto both of Team Unity and Richard Gomez running as an independant candidate, have shown.
They are trailing far behind in the polls.

But isn't it an oxymoron when the politicians who are campaigning, telling the people to use their head and vote whom they think would best fit the position and then at the end of their speeches urge the people to vote straight and vote solid for their own political parties?
What the fuck!?!
To tell someone to vote straight is akin to telling them that you have no brains to think for yourselves so you might as well vote these people in office because I know far more than you.

When Malacanang palace was braying the news of a 12-0 sweep by Team Unity senatorial candidates in the Maguindanao elections not only did it raise eyebrows but also cries of election fraud!
Not only was it b.s. it also showed the rampant cheating still going on in the different almost isolated islands of the Philippines.
Mindanao has always been an opposition! How do I know this, you ask?
Simple, not only do I have roots in Mindanao but sheer common sense.
Mindanao, being always behind in projects and other developments made by Imperial Manila over the years have caused tension and ceaseless fighting in the area, especially in the South.
This is one of the biggest factors why extremists rebels have all along wanted Mindanao to break free from the country and form their own nation.
So, for Malacanang to say something so impudent like this was not only unethical of them but very dumb!
If they wanted to rig the elections they should have kept their bloody mouths shut and have done it discreetly.


I'll be gone for a few weeks, feeling sick and tired and I think my body needs a break.
Plus also other issues.
So this won't be updated as regularly.

Monday, July 02, 2007

Coconut Oil

Coconut Oil… pure, rich and utterly good for the hair.
For centuries my people have been using it to beautify their tresses and give it that sweet, bouncy, lively shine.
For the past year or so though a lot of hype has been spread of the oil's beneficial goodness for the body once ingested.
And in a short amount of time there have been lots of brands out there suddenly popping up on the counters that have come up with their own formulations, flavors and other whatnots claiming theirs is the most pure coconut oil out in the market today.
The list of diseases it could cure/prevent is long and uhmmm impressive.
• could prevent heart ailments
• cure/prevent certain vitamin deficiency
• can aid in weight loss
• can restore hair
• prevent hair loss
• detoxify the body
• It is anti anything! antihistamines, antiinfectives/antiseptics, promoters of immunity, glucocorticoid antagonist, nontoxic anticancer agents,
• Anti-obesity
• Anti-aging
Blah blah blah blah blah…
*just google it if you are really interested to know more of the miraculous healing powers of the coconut oil lol*

Well, my friend and other people I know have been pestering me errr suggesting that I should get into it.
Take some, see and experience for myself all the health goodness that my body could surely benefit from it.
There is nothing I would lose, they kept pressing on.
Its good for me, they say.
I will be more healthy etc.
After months of pestering well, I finally gave in and decided to give it a shot. I went down to the nearest pharmacy and bought a 500ml bottle of said oil.

When I got home I sat in my room, took out the bottle from the plastic bag and started to read whatever was written on the packaging.
Yup! All looked okay to me!

I got a small medicine cup and poured about 2tbsp of coconut oil.
How it glistened under the fluorescent light.
It looked so clear and shiny!
I held it to my nose and smelled it.
It’s a habit of mine, to take a good whiff and sniff of what the food product I’m about to ingest first.
It smelled like coconut alright!
Hmmm… This could actually be good, I mused to myself.

Then without further hesitations I drank all the contents of that little cup in one gulp.

It was absolutely DISGUSTING!!!

I was very close to puking in my room and gagging for something, just about anything to wash it down!
How it slid in my throat and made all the hairs on my body stand!
Que horror!!!

I think it is one of the most vile substances I have ever ingested!
Probably next to that aloe vera juice extract my mom made me drink years ago also because it claimed to have beneficial effects.

How people were able to stomach such things is a big mystery to me!
I wanted to shake like I was parapalegic because of the taste. *not in a good way*

Then they say to try the flavored ones available in the market today.
It might be better.
I was foolish to give in to the first one, but hey since all they want is something good for me.
I tried it again.
I'm so easy to convince, really easy.
Anybody could probably talk me into something foolish if they are sweet enough *just kidding*

I tried the banana flavored one.
Banana being one of my favorite fruits.
*Okay you perverts, no need to think nasty now. I really mean the fruit. That yellow thing growing from that tree like plant*
Holy Cow! It was still disgusting!
I said to myself I’m never drinking this vile, evil, disgusting substance ever!
*But knowing me, I'd probably give it another shot to see if I still have the same reaction later.*

I was about to throw the whole thing out but then hey I could still use it for my hair.
It was not such a waste of money after all!

Sunday, July 01, 2007


I was in this forum I frequent before and just checked out what is going on there as I did not log in for a long time now.
As usual it was more or less the same website as I left it.
People were discussing, debating and fighting. More fighting in fact than in previous months.

There were also discussions of the site's rules and Terms of Service.
Everyone was on a reporting spree of other members whom they deemed 'insulted' them in certain topics most especially the ones pertaining to Religion/Philosophy.

Now that was something I find hilarious.

Can words really have that power to demote you to a point that you feel you are stepped on or is it because you gave that certain word and the person who uttered it the right to do so?

In these debates and different forums that I have participated over the years a lot of heated words were exchanged.
Some were intentionally said, people cannot keep their cool for a lengthy period of time especially when their stand on issues are challenged.
Others just couldn't help utter these said words maybe because they have already gotten so used to it that it becomes part of their speech, their being. They are natural foul-mouths.
Or maybe they just thought that by saying expletives all the time they would appear tough.

I am not a politically correct creature, never have been.
I could be rash, blunt even smug at times.
In these debates I too have been the receiver of 'insulting' words and sometimes the giver.

But do they really bother me and do I ever feel insulted? NO!
Because I do not see it as such.
People can say or think whatever they want about me because I know my own self more than anybody else.
I will not give them the time and satisfaction of even thinking that their words has hurt me.

Words are only words.
It cannot do much if you don't give it the power to.
It pisses me off to see grown people suddenly turn into blabbing babies because someone used a bad word. A BAD WORD!!! What the fuck? Since when did words have attributes?!?
Aren't we big enough to handle our own troubles now?
Must we always go to someone with authority because we did not approve of his/her point of view?
Life deals you with shit! You would have heartaches, misunderstandings, troubles and other hardships. No one has a perfect life. NO ONE!
You can only do two things in times of adversity. Stand up and face it. Be strong. Don' tmind the naysayers.
Or wail and cry your eyes out, sob to someone whom you think has authority to try to make your boo-boos better and be a big, helpless baby!

I don't know about you people but I chose the former.

I'm not saying that you do not have the right to be insulted. Of course you do!
It is your right and no one is taking that away from you.
But the only problem with most people these days is, IF they feel they are/were insulted by what you write, say or do they think that they have this god damn given right and power to shut you up!
Which is not the case.
If you don't like it, then don't bother with it and just walk away.
There is this overwhelming need to always be politically correct and in doing so they often put common sense in the back place.

People are being too sensitive these days. Getting 'insulted' by almost anything.
Making an issue of things that should not have been an issue to begin with.