Tuesday, July 31, 2007


Sometimes life gets so tough and fucked up that the only option one sees is to end it all and be done with it.
Still, there are a thousand more reasons why a person decides to take this road.
I am no different from the thousands out there who have contemplated about it during the past years of my existence.

To judge them and call them names, thinking that they are weaklings and fools because they have even entertained such a thought while not knowing the situation that they are going through is not only unfair but unsympathetic.

We don't know what goes on in their lives, what rages in their heads and what is in their hearts so to pass such harsh judgments and criticisms would only make you a contributor to their inner pains and turmoils.

Suicide is considered murder and the religious ones would try to scare the potential doer that his soul would never enter heaven and experience eternal light.
What many fail to realize is they cannot convince these people on dropping the idea of suicide because they fear that an 'Almighty being' would not accept his 'soul' anymore.
The problem is deeper than that and truth be told they no longer give a shit of such things.

Having entertained the thought many times.
I understand why such things would fill one's mind.
They feel hopeless, they see no room for improvement.
Abandoned, alone, rejected and other negative emotions fills one's mind to the point that it becomes too unbearable that the thought of death would appear sweet and a liberation.
The thought of bearing it all, despite the harsh conditions hoping that it would improve is more appalling, for we never know if things would improve. And its the wait that is slowly killing.

I was even able to come up with many reasons how my death would benefit the greater majority.
I felt that if I did it, I would perform the ultimate act of heroism and my action would be justified.

I reasoned that I have no dependents. No one would really miss or need me.
One less person is consuming precious oxygen and other resources.
More elbow room for the living who need the much needed space in this overly populated world.
And I could go on and on...

But, to make this story short. I did not succeed in this endeavor.
Partly because all my three attempts were botched and it was not well executed. I was still very much a child then and the funny part is, when you are close to dying or harming yourself, your instincts would kick in. Somehow, your body fights it all and tries its best to keep you alive.

Reading the article on BBC and the report on Japan's rising suicide rate and 'suicide clubs' wasn't really surprising.
First off, suicide is part of Japanese culture. In the old days Harakiri was even seen as a honorable way out.
So to put the blame on the internet on the rise of suicide rates in a country that somehow holds it as part of their customs is crazy and an insult.

Insult in the sense, that you think these people are mindless twats that just decided to end it because they saw that it was the 'in' thing to do.
Many people who commit suicide are deeper than that.
The person has already thought hard about what he'd do with his life, he's just using the technology to find other people who have also thought about the same thing.

Instead of blaming the internet of the high suicide rate, like what the idiots would immediately do.
Why not ask the question why many young people are now entertaining the said thought to begin with.
In a country of opportunity and with a lot of things to keep you supposedly occupied and happy,
it baffles me why these people would choose to do such a thing.
Here in the Philippines, where most of the people are way below the standard of living,
a lot are unemployed and living in appalling conditions, still people keep going and going.
A news of someone killing himself still comes as a shock to many.

If they want to curb the problem they should address the core of the issue and not just present a lame excuse to try to explain something that is sweeping the youth of this time by storm.

Going to a psychiatrist is the best option one could take.
But, if you can't afford the services of one, just find someone to talk to.
You'll be surprised how relieved you feel, when you decide to just let it all out and be true.

Related: Kiddie Skanks or Idiotic Parents?


Ankit said...

I was scared half way through the article.. which was looking more n more depressing.. but when I read the last sentences "You'll be surprised how relieved you feel, when you decide to just let it all out and be true." it is a sense of relief to be honest.. I hope you understand n believe that!
I do agree with the intial part about it being unfair to criticise ppl who do it because we sincerely have no idea whats goin on with them! I guess I have been lucky enough to never contemplate sucide.. I hope u wont do it again too!
take care!

Berserker said...

I have considered it in the past, but I (obviously) always see the brighter side of the tree. My father has been homeless before and his worth ethics + alcohol abuse would have rendered a normal person dead by now. I don't know how he manages. I don't know how he keeps the few friends he has with such a negative, angry and depressed outlook on life. But somehow he keeps on... working as little as possible and abusing his body so terribly... The smoking, the drinking, the drugs, nothing has taken him down.

Maybe it's seeing his afflictions that gives me more confidence. But whatever it is, I know that no matter how bad my life gets, there is always a fresh start somewhere out there - be it farming fish in Alaska, or running away to the country with nothing but a horse. Not even a plan. Adventure beats suicide any day.

jack frost said...

hey gray....long time.

well, i both agree and disagree with you(if at all that sounds sensible).i do know how it feels. Once, i contemplated it n felt justified abt it.once a friend attempted it for a petty reason or for no reason as i would put it. this was when i felt how foolish it wud actually be, except in the person's own perception.
well all that crap was when i was too young.
now, Im completely against it. To live, i believe is not just a right, its also a duty. and its fun too.
hope u dont attempt or even contemplate it again.. (i have very few readers on my blog...LOL)

JeanGray said...

It was a long time ago, I was young and stupid.
I have learned a lot since then.

Thank you for sharing that. And yes I now share the same outlook.
No matter how tough it gets, as long as you are alive there will always be hope that things would be better. Our death would not change anything but by living we have a chance to.
We learn as we grow and we also learn by observing those around us.

I thought the summer heat melted you already lol *kidding aside*
There is no need for you to disagree as my current stand on the issue is vehemently against it.
But this post is about people who immediately criticize others if they knew the person even thought about suicide.
We don't know their inner demons and what they are going through.
(You should write more on your blog) :P